A week later God re-appears and asks him how it is going. The man says 'the cigs and drink were easy to give up but when my wife bent over to take the meat out of the freezer I couldn't resist, I had to give her one there and then.'
God says 'They don't like sort of thing in heaven.' The man replies 'They don't like it in Tesco's either!'
Cute 5 year old Daisy sees a group of surly workmen turn up next door to build a house. She takes an interest and talks to the workers. The builders with hearts of gold adopt her as a site mascot.
After a week they present her with a little pink hard-hat, matching gloves and even a £2.00 wage packet. 'My goodness' says her mummy smiling, 'Will you be working there next week?' Little Daisy replies 'I think so, provided those cunts at 'Jewsons' deliver the fucking bricks!
The government are doing a survey of penis sizes in the UK.
They know this will be difficult, so they have asked anyone with less than 3 inches to signify this with flying a white flag with a red cross on their car!!!
Haha so many small penis' in this country! 
