Company Policies

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pinkbandit
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Company Policies

Post by pinkbandit » Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:52 pm

To all Employees:
Effective From July 2007



Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.


Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, con temp lations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

:lol:
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PHatHome666
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Re: Company Policies

Post by PHatHome666 » Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:23 pm

pinkbandit wrote:Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
:roflmao:
Wait... what?
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Turbo_asswhup
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Post by Turbo_asswhup » Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:25 pm

those arent bad ideas

im implementing them asap

:roflmao:

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pinkbandit
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Post by pinkbandit » Sat Jun 30, 2007 3:30 pm

Turbo_asswhup wrote:those arent bad ideas

im implementing them asap

:roflmao:
:twisted: :P
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dede
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Post by dede » Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:19 pm

Turbo_asswhup wrote:those arent bad ideas

im implementing them asap

:roflmao:
HEY OMGZ I KNOW U U'RE SOME DUDE ON MY MSN!!!! :lolll:
day or not I'll be there:)

Turbo_asswhup
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Post by Turbo_asswhup » Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:28 pm

apparently i log onto msn or yahoo whenever people are stoned (vodka) or asleep ( everyone else) :lol:

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Gabriel
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Post by Gabriel » Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:56 am

.........then you just got
A) ...bad timing..
B)....RLY BAD FRIENDS!
Being an angel aint everything

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Post by smantie » Sun Jul 01, 2007 4:12 pm

:lol:
Go Alucard, go go Go!

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dede
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Post by dede » Mon Jul 02, 2007 12:25 am

Gabriel wrote:.........then you just got
A) ...bad timing..
B)....RLY BAD FRIENDS!
hey u stop that Turbo wuvs us all....except u and smant of course :arrrr:
day or not I'll be there:)

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Gabriel
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Post by Gabriel » Mon Jul 02, 2007 1:51 am

dede wrote:
Gabriel wrote:.........then you just got
A) ...bad timing..
B)....RLY BAD FRIENDS!
hey u stop that Turbo wuvs us all....except u and smant of course :arrrr:
que paso?
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smantie
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Post by smantie » Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:50 pm

dede wrote:
Gabriel wrote:.........then you just got
A) ...bad timing..
B)....RLY BAD FRIENDS!
hey u stop that Turbo wuvs us all....except u and smant of course :arrrr:
Psh, like I care.


it's why i cry myself to sleep at night
Go Alucard, go go Go!

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Post by special_Kare » Thu Jul 05, 2007 12:07 am

dont cry smant :cry:
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Post by smantie » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:54 pm

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Cu-hW75wF4E"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Cu-hW75wF4E" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
Go Alucard, go go Go!

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pinkbandit
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Post by pinkbandit » Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:47 pm

:roflmao:
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