A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Barnsley in the early hours of this morning with it's
epicentre in Stocksbridge.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Foooockinell"
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were destroyed.
Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Barnsley FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Barnsley.
One resident - Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying..My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept
through it all..I was still shaking when i was skinning up watching Trisha the next morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The british red cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of sunny
delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books,
jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP??
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels fot those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps,
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers),
Shell suits (female),
White sport socks,
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same
Required foodstuffs unclude:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
special brew,
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms,
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9,
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**BREAKING NEWS**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop. 'Where you bleeding from?' they asked, "ROTHERHAM! said the girl, "wosstha gorra do wi' thee?"
No, I checked the English dictionary and it's definately spelled...HUMOUR! 
