Three tortoises, Troy, Andy and Wayne, decide to go on a picnic. Troy
packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the
picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.
When they get there, Troy unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Wayne give me
the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Wayne "I thought you packed it"
Troy gets worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"
Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home
without a bottle opener. Troy and Andy beg Wayne to go back for it. But
he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours,
and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the
sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Wayne sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he
still isn't back and Troy and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each,
and just as they are about to eat them, Wayne pops up from behind a rock and
shouts?
"I knew it! .... I'm not fu*king going!"
Does it take a tortoise 10 days to do 10 miles? how the bloody 'ell would i know 
I like it 
LOL
